How to touch a girl.

Its been a darn long time since i've last written anything inside here. Haven't really felt the mood or the need to, but feel like penning down my thoughts anw.

Firstly, life's been pretty okay. Work is good, except when aunty works, and it gets quite boring because suddenly there is a loss of common topics to actually converse about. made good friends from work, tons of laughter esp when Hidir works. His renditions and imitations never fails to crack me up! And i usually laugh non-stop, because he's really quite good at what he does. Sze ying with her funny jokes and me usually taunting her about guang tou because she keeps teasing me and then she gets horrified and stops. Esther my lesbian girlfriend who don't know why pang-seh me at work so horribly often! just kidding. :) Work is good. Kian ming says im Bipolar. wonder that means, fana says its like extreme personalities or smth. but am i really that extreme? I really wonder.. and that uncle asked me ystd whether i wanted t go out t his place for lunch. No thank you man!

V day was nothing special. Sometimes its overrated i feel. You don't need v day to give your gf flowers or do something special. everyday can be a v day that you create for yrself. So only once a year, or maybe twice is when people do special things for their significant others?

i knew something was up. but what do you really expect me to do or say? yes, i've gotten over you. But i still care abt you, alot. maybe even more than i would care for a friend. But i don't love you. I've put my heart there for you to take it back, but you rejected, twice. Now you say that you might have made the wrong decision and ask me whether i've gotten over you. I don't even know what the fuck to say in response. my heart is cold from loving you, from giving you so much but in turn getting nothing. I know i have my faults, but was that ever reason enough to justify? I'm filled with anger and resentment. I am bitter. But i feel sad. Sad because there was once i thought we shared something special, that i found something that was going to be different, that could last. I wasn't looking for a fling, i was looking for a partner. I thought i saw that in you. You filled me with promises, promises that made my heart flutter. promises that undoubtedly killed me within. I actually begged you to take me back, until i found out the real truth. the truth that hurt so bad, that made me cry from the depths within. that made me feel even more inferior than i already was, that was by no means justifiable at all. Yes, we shared special moments. You know how stupid i felt? I was even willing to forget about everything and just start it all over again, give it a whole new beginning. I was fucking willing to do that. Even with the rest of the world calling me stupid and silly. I wanted to. Because i still loved you. And for the second time, you rejected me. After you smsed me telling me you still loved me, that everything you said to hurt me was a lie. I was stupid enough to believe you the first time, and to put myself through the second time? I must be hopeless. I am over you. I never want to love you again. I just want you to lead a happy life. Thats all i want.



What am i to do? He's a really nice guy.. but how is it remotely possible?

Did i mention, my mum's a pain?

I hate chinese new year.