Every Little Thing
so im back to blogging, only because suddenly i have this HUGE urge to do it. i dont know la. i hate netball now, well not really hate. but i totally lost it. seriously. i feel like just quitting and walking away from netball now. but i know i can't. and its somehow not because i want or don't want, but because i can't. i dont know la. i'm tired of everything. maybe its just a one day thing, maybe its going to stay inside of me. netball is.. urgh.
Im going to just say this, and if you read it and feel offended, i'm really sorry, but its just how i feel. I don't feel like i have any attachment to netball in mjc. i don't know why, but it never ever feels like a team. its always different individuals and we just joke around, like how everyone else does, but we never like go out or hang out together. its just.. different. in the team, its just.. i dont know how to describe it, but its anything but ideal. (i said ideal, not perfect). i miss the secondary school days. it was definitely much more fun. it wasn't so much of being a drag to go down for training. i mean we were lazy but we still went down. now its like in mjc, i just.. lost it like what i say. theres just something missing in this team, how bout, everything else? gosh.
i just wonder why i choose jc sometimes. why i make the choices that i make. so many things haev changed in these 1 1/2 years, im not sure whether i am happy wtih everything, but what can i say? not as if words that i say can change anything. i am glad that i am getting closer with my classmates. its definitely been a much more fun year this year. block test. mid years. prelims. a levels. everything is going to zoom past so fast. everything changes again.
honestly, sometimes i just wished i didnt make the choices that i make. things might be different. i feel so demoralized after training today. it feels bad. i totally lack motivation. and i hate training plus running. i just want to quit school can. Okay so i didnt really mean that. but you get the drift. sucks. I HATE THIS. fuck.
Im going to just say this, and if you read it and feel offended, i'm really sorry, but its just how i feel. I don't feel like i have any attachment to netball in mjc. i don't know why, but it never ever feels like a team. its always different individuals and we just joke around, like how everyone else does, but we never like go out or hang out together. its just.. different. in the team, its just.. i dont know how to describe it, but its anything but ideal. (i said ideal, not perfect). i miss the secondary school days. it was definitely much more fun. it wasn't so much of being a drag to go down for training. i mean we were lazy but we still went down. now its like in mjc, i just.. lost it like what i say. theres just something missing in this team, how bout, everything else? gosh.
i just wonder why i choose jc sometimes. why i make the choices that i make. so many things haev changed in these 1 1/2 years, im not sure whether i am happy wtih everything, but what can i say? not as if words that i say can change anything. i am glad that i am getting closer with my classmates. its definitely been a much more fun year this year. block test. mid years. prelims. a levels. everything is going to zoom past so fast. everything changes again.
honestly, sometimes i just wished i didnt make the choices that i make. things might be different. i feel so demoralized after training today. it feels bad. i totally lack motivation. and i hate training plus running. i just want to quit school can. Okay so i didnt really mean that. but you get the drift. sucks. I HATE THIS. fuck.
posted by Perturbed @ 8:15 PM
2 Comments:
At 11:51 PM,
Anonymous said…
hey carol. :) please cheer up. really hate to see you like this. come on! you're my best friend on and off court and my best friend can't be down! hellooo! goodness. hahaha. let's put in our best this time and don't give up just yet okay? YOU CAN DO IT. and i know it. believe in yourself 'cos i believe in you. take care babe. the BIG white girl is always here for you. *loves. (:
At 11:35 PM,
Anonymous said…
hey carol! dun be so sad ya! cheer up alrites! my best dear friend since p5! i will never forget the times we used to spent! hee.love you! muack.
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